All right, folks.

I know you’ve got a lot to deal with out there. The Media is doing its damnedest to create an economic depression; your obese, fat-slob kids can’t learn squat in school; everything you like to eat is bad for you; there are two Americas, and one of them is full of illegal aliens who can get driver’s licenses and benefits easier than you can; gas prices are blowing your budget; ATM fees are too high; the boys are picking on Hillary; Bill’s out attacking the black guy; and global warming is destroying the planet while you’re freezing to death with home heating bills up the wazoo!

But there’s another crisis — sure to cause a painful, miserable, premature death:

“The planet is getting skinned.”

That’s the news from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Mother Earth used to be covered with about three feet of topsoil. But greedy farmers — who selfishly refuse to stop tilling the land — are tearing up the top layer of earth so fast that they’re putting the entire planet at risk. It’s yet another environmental nightmare: We’re losing about 1 percent of our topsoil every year. So in 100 years, it’ll all be gone.

We’re running out of dirt, folks. No more dirt, no more farms. No more farms, no more food. No more food, no more mankind.

It’s just downright depressing.

No more damn dirt… What are we going to do? Oh, no.